


There's No Place Like Home for the Holidays

by johnllauren



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Christmas, F/F, M/M, idfk, its better than the summary i promise, more characters and ships to be added later, the whole thing is just prospit dreamers being dorks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-02
Updated: 2015-12-06
Packaged: 2018-05-04 11:27:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5332454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/johnllauren/pseuds/johnllauren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat Vantas has been trying to escape his family for almost his entire life. So far, the only time it hasn’t worked is during Christmas, which also happens to be known as the five worst days of the year. Going back to his childhood home is far from his idea of a happy holiday.</p><p>Except this year, he’s somehow roped Dave Strider (read: roommate, best friend, and person he’s completely head over heels for) into coming with him. And now his family is not going to stop until they kiss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

The phone rings once again, bringing the count up to seventeen times this morning. It isn’t even nine o’clock yet.

“You’re going to have to pick it up eventually.” Dave says. 

“Eventually. And today is not eventually.” Karkat grumbles, taking another long swig of coffee. 

“I haven’t woken up before eight since, like, high school. And your goddawful phone started ringing at six.” Dave whines, downing the remainder of his third cup of coffee. He stands and walks into the kitchen, presumably to go make more.

Karkat scowls. “Oh, boo hoo, go cry me a river. And make me some more, too.”

“Only if you pick up the phone!”

“In your dreams, Strider.” 

Dave knew moving in with Karkat, best friend or not, was a bad idea. As if to emphasize this sentiment, the phone starts going off again. Dave groans as he wonders if elephant tranquillizer would be strong enough to let him sleep through these phone calls. He doubts it. 

“You know, this would be a lot easier to deal with if you didn’t buy the phone with the limited edition ‘We Wish You A Merry Christmas’ ringtone,” Karkat calls into the kitchen.

“It was ironic.” 

“Yeah, well it sure as hell ain’t ironic now, asshat.” 

“We wouldn’t even be having this conversation if you just spoke to your goddamn sister!” 

Karkat says nothing, instead choosing to take a sip of the coffee Dave hands him. Dave turns his attention back to the television and resumes his spot on the couch. For the next five minutes, things seem to be going smoothly between them again. They always have arguments like this, Karkat figures, Dave’s probably just going to drop it anyway.

And then the phone rings. 

“God dammit!” Dave exclaims, startling Karkat into spilling his coffee.

The coffee gets all over the couch, carpet, and Karkat himself. “Look what you made me do, you asshole.” He grumbles.

“I didn’t make you do anything! It’s the phone!” Dave argues back, though he’s considerably less angry about this whole thing than Karkat is.

Karkat rushes into the kitchen and returns armed with paper towels and carpet cleaner. “If you hadn’t shrieked like a little girl, I wouldn’t have spilled coffee.” 

Dave shakes his head. “What would you do if I picked it up right now?” 

“I’d tell you to tell her I… died. Yeah, that’s it. I died a really terrible death two weeks ago so I can’t make it. But say I would’ve loved to go.”

“Go where?” Dave asks, inching closer and closer to the phone.

“Don’t. You. Dare.” Karkat hisses.

Dave shrugs. “Too late.” He picks up.

“Karkat? Finally.” The voice on the other end of the line says.

“This is Dave, actually. Karkat told me to tell you that he died a horrible death two weeks ago, so he can’t make it to… wherever it is you want him to go. But he really did want to go.” 

The person – Dave assumes it’s Kanaya, Karkat’s older sister – laughs. “Can you put him on the phone, please?”

Dave glances over at Karkat, who’s currently in the middle of yelling himself hoarse. Something about how he’s going to skin Dave alive and then boil his corpse over and open flame and serve it up to his family on Christmas. “Yeah, sure, he’s right over here.” 

He tosses the phone over to Karkat, who catches without pausing his murder plan. With a sigh, Karkat lifts the phone to his face. “The answer is no, alright?”

A pause while Kanaya says something. “No, I’m putting my fucking foot down this time… five years, Kanaya, five years… what the fuck do you mean, Christmas cheer, there is no ‘Christmas cheer’ in that hellhole… ‘The more the merrier’ my ass! ... So you’re telling me I should drive for six hours to live in a shitshack with five fucknuggets for a week just because he would’ve wanted it?” 

Dave can’t help but wonder what the hell they’re talking about. He could always ask Karkat about it later, but Karkat never answers questions about his personal life. 

“Look, I get that you want me there or whatever, but I can’t! I can’t do it, okay? I can’t go back there!” Karkat yells into the receiver. His face is red with rage, but his eyes look almost scared. Dave wonders what the hell is going on. 

Kanaya goes on about something for a little while. Karkat nods occasionally and says things like ‘yes,’ ‘no,’ and ‘okay’ as he listens. “I don’t care.” He says after a while, but his voice is void of that fiery essence it used to hold. “No, Kanaya, I – I can’t do that to him.”

“Do what to who?” Dave inquires, but – as always – he is disregarded.

“I mean, I could ask, but why? What solace would that give me, and why would he want to do that?” Karkat asks, this time his voice almost hopeful. “Oh my god, no, he isn’t my boyfriend!” Now he’s angry again.

Kanaya says something, making Karkat sigh. “If you need me to keep you sane, why don’t you just leave? God dammit. God dammit! Fine! Fine, I’ll fucking come!” Karkat yells. “Are you fucking happy? Fucking good, you better be.”

He slams the phone back down on the receiver, sighing in anger and relief at the same time.

Dave stands. “Are you okay? What happened? You can’t do what to who?”

Karkat takes a second to compose himself. With a shaky exhale, he sits down on the couch. “Can I ask you to do me a favor? Like, a crazy big favor?”

“Of course.” Dave nods.

“You say that, and yet you have no fucking clue what I’m about to ask of you.” Karkat grumbles.

Dave bats his eyelashes, in what Karkat thinks – hopes – is a purely ironic gesture and not anything charged with emotions like romance. “Oh, I’ll do anything you ask me to.” Dave wiggles his eyebrows suggestively and Karkat rolls his eyes.

“Can you just shut the fuck up for one fucking second so I can tell you about this trainwreck that I’m getting you and me into?” Karkat asks, utterly spent (and it isn’t even ten o’clock yet).

Dave nods. 

“I – uh, fuck – I mean. Every Christmas, my family gathers back at our old family house for a week. What’s left of my family, anyway. And Kanaya always makes me goddamn go, even though I don’t want to, and she said I could bring you, and…?” Karkat trails off.

Staying silent, Dave just stares at Karkat, trying to read him. Karkat must take that as a no, because he starts freaking out. “Oh my god, please come, I don’t think I can face them all by myself-” 

“I never said I wouldn’t. Of course I’ll come with you.” Dave says, then realizes how unironic that sounds, so he adds “asshole” to the end of it.

For a second, Karkat looks like he’s about to hug Dave, but then he shakes his head and looks down. “Uh, thanks.”

“When do we leave?”

Karkat pauses. “Kanaya kind of wants us there by tomorrow.”

“You could’ve told me this beforehand!” Dave grumbles.

“Oh, please, we both know that you would’ve saved your packing for today anyway.”

Dave shrugs. “Got me there.” He says. A pause, and then: “Exactly how far away is your old family home, anyway?” 

Karkat waits before answering for a second. He sends Dave a look that says ‘you’re not going to like this.’

“Oh, please. Out with it, already.”

“Five hours, give or take.”

Karkat holds a pillow in front of his face to shield himself from any flying objects that may be coming his way.


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

\--  
This number is not in your contacts list.  
FROM: unknown  
Hello, Dave. It is Kanaya.  
Please wear Christmas sweaters to the house.

FROM: Dave  
Sup  
You got it  
Wait  
How’d you get this number anyway  
\--  
“Karkat, if you don’t wake up right this second, I’m going to twist your limbs like a pretzel and shove you into one of the drawers in that pretentious IKEA desk I made us buy.” Dave says, jumping onto Karkat’s bed.

Karkat flips over onto his back. “Kinky.” He mumbles. Dave isn’t sure if he’s responding to something in a (extremely fucked up) dream or if he’s responding to Dave Actually, he isn’t sure which is worse.

“We have to leave.” Dave argues. “Come on, you lazy shit, I’ve already packed the car and everything. This is your family we’re seeing, anyway.” 

“If you’re so eager to go, why don’t you just go alone?” Karkat asks, rolling over melodramatically. 

Dave sighs. “I’m doing this for you. Now come on, get up. I watched the news – traffic is going to be horrendous.”

\--  
This number is not in your contacts list.  
FROM: unknown   
Good luck with the traffic, sucker.  
You’ll be lucky if you get here by tomorrow.  
\--  
FROM: Dave  
Wtf how are so many people getting my number  
I’m freaked out by it but also encouraged by my increase in popularity  
Damn by next week I’m gonna be the next big thing  
Everybody’s going to know who I am I’m going to be so famous  
I won’t be able to walk down the street without somebody recognizing me  
Oh well it’s just a cross that us famous people have to bear  
…  
Also I have a feeling you have something to do with it

FROM: Rose  
And why, dear brother, do you think I have anything to do with it?

FROM: Dave  
You just confirmed my suspicions thanks

FROM: Rose  
I can neither confirm nor deny that statement.   
I’ll see you in seven hours. Traffic continues to build, you better get going.

FROM: Dave  
Wait  
You’re going to Karkat’s family’s house too??  
How did you manage that  
Also how do you know that I’m going too  
Rose  
…  
Rose  
Answer me jesus christ  
I can’t believe you  
\--  
“Come on, Karkat!” Dave exclaims, dragging Karkat out of his bed. “Traffic is getting heavier as we speak!”

Karkat has not yet responded. 

“If you don’t move, I’m going to carry you into the car.”

 

Dave ends up carrying Karkat into the car. 

It takes him a while to get everything set up – Karkat ends up sleeping in the passenger seat and Dave is stuck driving, while their suitcases are slammed into the trunk. Dave tries to call Rose to get the address of Karkat’s house, but she is a cryptic little shit like she always is and doesn’t answer. He has to go into Karkat’s phone to get Kanaya’s phone number. 

Now, Dave is many things, but a snoop is not one of them. 

But when he’s presented with the gold that comes from holding Karkat’s phone, there are certain things a man has to do. He tries to justify the snooping by saying that, hey, Karkat probably does it to him a lot. And, after all, Karkat somehow knows at least 75% of all of his childhood secrets, even if they didn’t meet until they were in college (how he found out is a mystery).

Karkat is the most secretive person Dave has ever met. Surely it won’t hurt if Dave has a little look around his phone. Maybe Karkat actually has something that’s eating at him, and if Dave finds out, Dave can help him. 

Okay, okay. He’ll only snoop though the voicemails. Just the voicemails. Dave comes to that conclusion because that way he’s in the phone app, so if Karkat catches him on his phone he can say he just wants to call Kanaya. Yeah, that’s it.

Karkat only has one voicemail, he’s probably cleared the rest. It’s from Kanaya, and it was left yesterday morning, about two hours before Dave finally answered the phone. Dave presses play and lowers the volume so only he can hear.   
\--  
Voicemail  
FROM: Kanaya  
“Karkat? Karkat, are you there? No, you’re not… listen, you know why I’m calling you. And I’m sorry that you hate this so much, I really am. But we need you here. You can’t just spend Christmas alone brewing in your feelings, that isn’t healthy. Look, if you’re so afraid of going home, you can bring Dave. You’ll be fine, okay? We all want you to be here with us. It’s Christmas. I know that you don’t really care about what we all think, but Ga- I mean, he would want you here. Please answer my phone calls… Okay, goodbye, Karkat.”  
\--  
Dave wasn’t really following about half of that. From what he does gather, though, Karkat really doesn’t want to go home for the holidays. And there’s some person who Kanaya tiptoed around – some “he.” Now that he thinks about it, Karkat has referred to this mysterious “he” in the past. Dave shakes his head to clear it and calls Kanaya for directions.

“There’s No Place like Home for the Holidays” is blaring through the speakers of Dave’s car when Karkat wakes up. 

Dave is too busy singing along to realize Karkat’s consciousness until Karkat elbows him hard in the side, making Dave almost swerve off the road. “Ow! Dammit, Karkat – ease up a little bit, will you?”

“Would you mind shutting off that infernal noise?” Karkat inquires, rubbing his temple.

Dave considers pointing out how ironic the song happens to be for their circumstance, but he decides not to say anything. “Excuse you, this is some excellent, classic Christmas music playing right here. You should be honored to be in the presence of such wonder.” 

Karkat rolls his eyes. “If you don’t pull over at the next rest stop so I can get a coffee, I’m going to elbow you so hard your great-great grandchildren will feel it.”

“Fine, fine, we’ll get coffee.” Dave relents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this instead of the essay that my entire scholarship depends on lmao

**Author's Note:**

> Christmas fic!! I was hoping to have this finished by the end of December, but it's turned out to be pretty long lmao


End file.
